Armchair Anthropology - Marriage and Love

Marriage by many scholars is believed to be a universal practice and a socially recognized union between two or more people. While the standards of ritual or tradition may vary from culture to culture, the suggestion that one marries for Love is a recent phenomenon. In Western Europe, as well as the United States, Love has been a marker for marriage since the late 18th century; however, Love had not bloomed into ‘practice’ until the recent Industrialization period and the modern family has become an independent unit without relying upon extended family members. Nonetheless, this idea of marrying for Love is still fresh in other countries, such as Bangladesh. And while it is socially accepted, it is advised as not being the best way of finding a suitable marriage partner.

Bengal lies in the Indian subcontinent, where its people, the Bengali, have lived for nearly 2000 years. Previously ruled under a powerful kingdom that was one of four major kingdoms during the time of Buddha and during the early 13th century, the region was taken under Turkish Muslim rule. During the late 18th century when India had become under British rule, Bangladesh became more invested with the nation-state of India. The British partitioned Bengal into the East and West in the mid 20th century in order to separate the Hindu and Muslim cultures. The importance of these brief historical facts illustrate the importance of religion in these areas and all practices of the Bengali people as the nation-state consists of four major religions: Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam and Christianity. For purposes of restraint, this brief article will concentrate on the Sacred and Non-Sacred marriage practices of Bengali Hindus.

In Lina M. Fruzzetti’s article: “The gift of the virgin: women, marriage, and ritual in a Bengali society,” Fruzzetti describes that the institution of marriage is not merely for a change of status (girl to woman, daughter to wife); otherwise the idea of a love marriage would easily be attained. For most Bengali couples, marriage is arranged by immediate and extended family members to develop stronger ties between households, thus providing economic cooperation, promise of future generations (children), etc. The marriage is performed by tradition (exchanges: i.e. Dowry, etc.), and not only by a priest, but must be ritualistically recognized by adult men of the family, again re-establishing a male kinship line. It is to be expected that during these arranged marriages, the couple would eventually fall in love with each other and create stronger ties to either family.

Marriage for love is largely considered immoral. It does not establish strong kinship ties and most family members will consider it as a deviant act from the family. For those marrying for love they must seek a civil judge passing all religious and familial hierarchies.

Marriages not performed in the Hindu ritual manner are often referred to as “love-marriage” or “love biye.” The use of the English term indicates the lack of an appropriate Bengali term. There is an indigenous term for ‘love,’ prem, meaning the conjugal love of husband and wife, but when it is used outside of the sacred context it refers to adultery; carnality, nonsacred, physical, antisocial love.” (Fruzzetti, OCM 581, 582, AW69)

Fruzetti’s article was published by Rutgers University Press in 1982 and uses a Sociological approach. Her research is important because within the context of globalization, it is important for all cultures to have some understanding of cultural practices of other cultures and go beyond ethnocentricities. In the context of Love, it is important to understand the historical and cultural background in order to find the evolution of Love as we find it today in the West. Similarities include asking the father’s permission for the daughter’s hand in marriage and so much more. If we completely erase the word Love from our vocabulary, how would we describe what it insinuates?